summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
