I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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