This is not my ceiling
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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