garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
wanna go halves on a baby?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
