He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
