I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
