I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
