So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
