Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
