Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He felt like a one man threesome
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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