if you like me you must not know who I am
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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