So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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