She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
