some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
