This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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