Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your penis caused this!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
