just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
