is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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