Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
