is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
