Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
