I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
