You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
