i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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