Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
