Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
