I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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