Betty ford says i'm here all night
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
