I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
