there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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