My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
