We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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