the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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