I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
