I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think my moral compass just broke
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
