when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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