just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
