You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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