I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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