Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Randomize
