Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
