I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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