A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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