Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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