I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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