dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
