dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
