nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Michael Bay diarrhea
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Randomize
