I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
