Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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